Pushing.

I don't know what it is.

I just seem to always scare people away.

I make friends, and grow really close to people.
I have no problem putting myself out there and having fun.

People love doing things with me.
I can be the life of the party.

But once someone really gets to know me


They leave.

I don't know why.

What is it about me that pushes people away?
Am I too over bearing?

Too clingy?
Too distant?
Rude?
Weird?
Hard to be around?

What is it?

Why does everyone close to me leave?

The one person who stuck around
was one of the
biggest liars
I know.
The one who hurt me the most.

Maybe I have too high of expectations


Maybe I am not pushing people away.

I just think I am.

I don't understand.

Is there something wrong with me?

What do I do?

God help me understand.

I know you love me.
I could be the worst person in the world and you would still love me.

But what do I do that makes people not like me?
How do I change?

How do I show who I really am,

without being afraid of getting hurt?

What do I do?

Maybe I should just not try to meet people.

I should just live my life alone.

But there is no fun in that.

I don't think I could ever do it.

So I guess I will just have to keep trying.

Someday I will fit in.

Or not.

Who knows?

:)